pencil2ofandomcom-20200215-history
Match, Pencil
* : my posterior feels, like, so comfy in those seats! * : [behind the camera] Aunt Match, we're already live. * : Oh Heeeeeeeeeey, peoples, it's Match here with my bruh Pen and his wife aka my best friend Penc-Penc in the house! * : Oh my G-d … So today, we'll be reading comments left by humans to us, in these Internet videos called "Ask Objects". * : An' firs' of all, we'd like to thank SmasherSquad, Hughesyboy 103, LaptopZSmasherZ and Drew C fer yer videos hostin' the questions. Match, y'wanna go firs'? * : Sure! Also, like, Eraser can't be here because he's in Uruguay. * : Tell the audience what he's doing. * : And how about those questions? * : Kay-kay! Ask Match! * : That is true. * : Oh, come on. If anything, I'm being collectively nice. * : True again. * : Well, Spongy is the least of my problems. I'm, like, an adult, and I don't have time for that baby. And me liking Pen? No thanks, I'm not into that . [Match looks at Pencil and Pen sitting together.] * : Well, I didn't do a good job, eh? * : Eh, it's on-again, off-again. * : … don't forget wanting to * : Next question, please! * : Firey, but I have, like, no way of knowing if he's available or not. And Spongy? No way! * : Can't a girl cheat? [Pencil and Pen look at her shocked.] * : What? * : Second of all, what? And first … … meh. * : Match, you can't just start a statement with second and then segue into first. * : You're kidding me, right? * : I mean, it goes against all of the principles of sentence formation. * : I still get nightmares … you go, big-eyed me! * : What the hell? Snowball is here? * : And that's not his only bad character trait. * : Well … er … she's currently married to him, and we're, like, the bestest of friends, eh, Pencil? * : Right back at'ee! * : No thanks, I'm good. * : If that's a metaphor for having to leave, then good-bye! [She gets up.] * : Hold it, Czechoslovakia. * : What now? * : There's another set o' questions fer'ee! * : Yay! Thank you people for being so popular! * : Aunt Match, this video's not going on the Internet. But it will be shared some time during the Hanuchristmas party you're welcome. * : In that case, next question me, please. * : If that's a subtle way of saying that you hate me, that's totally fine. I mean, it's not like I can go through the screen and * : Calm your lack of internal organs, Match … there's a child here. * : Last time I checked, I'm fourteen and a half! * : I can. * : Dude! [Pencil screams.] * : Omg, that's totally rude! * : Can a nice person comment next? * : See? I was right. * : I don't jump that high! * : Of course I like Eraser. * : Omg, I don't say like after, like, prepositional phrases! * : You just did. * : Actually m8, thet was a preposition. * : Sure she is. But she's just a child. * : She's my age! * : Are my arms really that bendy? Don't say anything, Pen. * : Debash , I'm on this show. Happy? * : Omg, does my mouth really look like some politician from the 1800s? * : I don't know. Science isn't, like, my thing, if you know what I mean. * : Go home, alternate-universe me, you're sober. * : OMG, ERASER YOU'RE SO HOT! * : Hey, and there's me! * : Yikes m8. 'f there were an 'Undred Years of Ugliness you'd be their poster child. * : What? * : I meant you in the vid, m8. * : Well, like, to be honest, why should I'' care about BFD''I … eh? See what I did there? * : I'm pretty sure people in Tahiti saw wot'ee dids 'ere. * : Fair choice. * : Of course I'm friends with Pencil! * : An' wot's this Object Craziness yer talkin'a, m8? * : Yay! * : That's easy enough. What year is it? * : 2013.So 2015 in the real world. * : Er … like, carry the three over the donut … and you get * : Eight years. * : But forever just goes on way too long. [Pencil gasps] Oh, you know how much I love you. * : That type of puerile behaviour shall not be tolerated on this planet. * : Now ye talks fancy! * : Eraser! Omg, everyone's, like, what-up on my love life. * : Yes, it is! * : Omg, am I shown killing my, like, best friend ever? * : An' thet is so offensive! I look like an /r/polandball reject! * : Don't say those words … * : Amen, twin me. * : Alright, people. Let's take a short commercial break. * : Wait, really, I'm nex'? Omg, Match get off yer seat. Ask Pencil! [When they come back.] * : And now we are starting the questions for Pencil. * : Ech-''em?'' * : I mean, mum. * : Omg, wot? Is this like a start of a song lyrics thingy? Acos I'm really a-diggin' some o' thet nineties * : Oh my god, they got me "wot" nearly right. * : I don't know, ask me son! * : Wait, why'm I shootin' Ice Cube? She hain' e'en relevant? * : Maybe you should stop looking at the TV, Saye; I think this is going to get violent. * : Okay, but then you wouldn't be on camera. * : On second thought, let's let her watch, eh? [Pencil in the video shoots Ice Cube with another one of those martial guns.] * : I don' think 'e is. Me son Sio always invites 'im over an' 'e don't seem ter 'ave an evil alignment. * : Penc, you might want to hear the second question. * : Oh yeah. Y' blokes on th' Interwebs may want ter 'ear this … me husband doesn't wan' to take off 'is cap. It's fer cultural purposes thet the point is the part designed for modest wear. * : Shrink? Thet's the 'uman word for gettin' meself rid of penstruation? * : Wot'n'ale? [pause] Pen ne'er tickles me like thet? * : Because I'm not exactly into that kind of stuff, y'know. * : An' why'm I depicted with diseases? Th' human Internet's be full o' weird , m8. * : Oh my G-d … * : Shall I fast-forward? * : We're live, people! * : No, I just want to see this. * : TURN THAT OFF, NOW! * : Firs' of all, season 2 is BFDIA, jus' to clarify, if people wan' to know. * : No one wants to know. * : Fair enough. An' besides, BFDIA was ‘orrible! I ain' got me Pen with me! * : Wow! Me me is really cool! * : Yeah. If disturbing and perverted is cool, I don't want to be lame! * : Fine! I mean, I've ne'er 'ad a crush on Eraser as 'is beauty's diminished by Pen! * : Y'know, for a second I thought this was going to be like those freaky videos where they take a camera inside someone's mouth and it takes them on a journey through their esophagus, eventually ending hours later in the * : Moving on! * : Oh, why thanks'ee … I mean, 'ow h'insultin'! * : You are! * : Who were you referring to? * : Well, on me left is Pen. Got use? * : If I'm a weapon, can I still talk? * : I think so. * : Deal! * : 'n case 'ee'ven't noticed, we're married. * : Yeah, it's more of a binding thing. * : Noooooo, really? * : Why would 'is own sister know about our love after the fans? * : Is this true? * : No, I don' e'en care about Rocky! 'E's basically a backgroun' character. * : I say, anyone 'o calls me man "dumb". * : I say it's kind of true. * : Yeah, like, you're not really the brightest bulb in the shed. * : Wow. I know two things of AU!me … I'm very hypocritical, an'll do anythin' to protect Match an' Pen. Sweet! * : Match. Like, Bubble, I ne'er really see'ee anymore, an' I'm sure she's 'appy with 'er own bes' friends righ' now. But Match is me BFFEIAMCIOL! * : BFFAML? * | }}: Best Friends Forever even if a man comes into our lives! * : An' besides, thanks, but I'm married. * : Well, let's just see what they have to say about this. [explodes] * : Why would I explode o'er somethin' as petty as choosin' between two people? [Match and Pen both glare at her.] * : Too soon … * : Oh, thanks, but I'm married. An' I don't use the 'uman Interwebs. * : So that's what that was! * : Hey! No one schemes my wife but … … next question please? * : I don' know. It doesn't seem like a website fer mothers like me. I've got ter ask me son o'e. * : Aye, wot is'e? * : You don't want to know unless you want to be full of spam. * : Cool, I guess if yer into thet kind o' stuff. It ain' wrong, 'tis jus' amazin' thet y've got th' audacity to bring up a taboo subject like this … [she actually smokes something] * : What the hell, Pencil? You're not Eraser and never have been! * : Well, as'ee can see, we're married. * : Yeah, it's more of a binding thing. * : Omg, Penc-penc, were your feelings that repressed? Damn, girl! * : Sure, but I ain' goin' to show the camera before the children's eyes. * : Wow. BFDI was a lie. * : FINALLY! * : This true, Match? * : Not really. }} * : I ship it! * : You know you're in those pictures too, eh? * : I stll ship it! * : Well, 'e's already done'e! See, we're married … * : Yeah, it's more of a binding thing. * : Wait a second. Before BFDI, y' din't e'en propose to me correctly! All y'did was say some random like "marry me" an' 'ere I'm now! * : You didn't exactly explain this to me like that! * : 'Ow do you know about me mum's mos' frequen' patients? * : Omg, Woody's that lame creature from BFDI! * : The worst. If this were all high school, I'd shove him into a locker … and then I'd say sorry. * : Omg, I'm in love! * : Wot? * : Wot? I need to get meself a chill pill. * : Thet's got to be the wors' joke I've e'er 'eard in me life. Good job, Tori an' Xavier Satchel. you, then! Also, Eraser's the whinies' sod on thet show! I'd ne'er marry'e?}} * : Wait, I actually took'e seriously? * : Y'know, Eraser's not whiny! * : He kind of is … * | }}: Duuuuuuuuh! * : No need to be racist! * : Fer the las' time, we're married! * : Yeah, it's more of a binding thing. * : Wot? The original response had many spelling errors. * : Sure? * : She hain' into thet yet! She's jus' a young girl! * : Penc-penc, Bubble is 24 years old. That's, like, half of 48! * : I guess thet's an answer? * : Thet was me intentions. * : You sure about that? * : Excuse me? * : I've got no comment. * : Yeah, I'm exempt! * : Why should I care? They're jus' random strangers 'om I barely care fer! * : I'm not available, Zandra dear. I'm married! * : Yeah, it's more of a binding thing. * : Will you shut up? * : Thet's ogrecrap! * : Ogrecrap? * : I was born on February 14 in 1990! Y'know, the year 'n which opposition parties were formed in Kenya? * : Thet's called "penstruation", an' I hate talkin' about when thet 'appens. * : Thet too. * : Well, y'ave to know thet Coiny's me sister Needle's boyfriend. So I feel as if 'e's family, so probably like a number between 0 an' an 'undred. 'O's Ice Cream? * : Ice Cream's the one who looks like, like, like, that blue container thing with two balls in it. * : That's Ice Cream? From your description it sounds like the perfect night for you! * : Aye, I thought thet was Trousers 'ere. * : Kay-kay! * : This is me job now. [She grabs him.] [They kiss, with Pen-of-the-Television-Machine looking scared as hell. Meanwhile, Pencil and Pen-of-the-real-world are kissing romantically, in contrast to the terrifying gob scene on the screen.] * : This might be one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. * : Sure! * : Hey, that's my chair now! * : Okay, I shall now sit subservient agains'ee. * : Don't worry, we'll be right back with a round of Ask My Dad!I was going to have her react to another video of her being asked, but: #I am too lazy. #The segue into asking Pen didn't exist in the last video. It was actually "Ask Knife". Ask Pen! * : Hey, peoples, General Pen Schreiber here That's GPS! * : Omg … * : I'm going to start this off from the commercial break because my daughter should be working the camera right now. * : Sorry, carry on. I was just looking on TrueTube and our videos are really popular. * : Just like me in high school! [Match, Pen and Pencil sigh simultaneously.] * : Weird. Anyways, let's get down to business and defeat start off with the first question, nyeh? * : Well, let's see. On my deceased mother's side, I am a Greek from Thessaloniki with that faint trickle of Bulgarian and Yugoslavian ancestry. She converted to Judaism in the 1980s, when she met my father, who has 12.5% proven Spartan lineage, which is where I get my dashingly good looks. * : Um, excuse me, but the Spartans weren't either, like, good-looking or dashing. In Slovakia, on the other hand … * : Match, it ain't yer turn to talk. * : So, to top it all I am mainly Thessalonian/Spartan Greek with genetics coming from all over South-eastern Europe, including Yugoslavia, Bulgaria and the land of Israel in which my ancestors lived in ancient times. * : [sadly] That can suffice, too. Of course, not as good as knowing which ancient city-states your ancestors came from, but … yeah. * : I believe that it was G-d's quarter-life destiny that I had not joined. It was at the height of utopia for Pencil and I, and solitude in the hellhole of a place could only be the best for me. * : Come on, version of me with the unusual mouth! * : One, that wasn't a question. Two, I'm a Jew who won't believe in Hell, and three … three … I can't do this. [He leaves the room, Saye following. Match and Pencil are shocked.] * : Y' can't jus' insult me Pen like thet! Sure 'e may be overrated, not do anythin', or not be yer type (considerin' thet we're married an' it's more like a bindin' thing) but does thet mean anythin' to you? You may think thet I married a do-nothin' jus' fer money, but 'e's more than jus' thet. 'E's more then a man, 'e's my man. * : Wooooooooooo! [Meanwhile in the parents' room, Pen is lying down.] * : They hate me. The human Internet hates me! * : Daddy, they don't hate you. I think they just misunderstand you. You're, like, an enigma. * : What do you mean? * : I mean that the producers of that BFDI don't want you to share so much about yourself that they make you live a double life! * : They do that with a lot of people on the show. They want us to believe that most object show characters are American, but we really come from all over. I just really don't like how us characters are treated. It's just that last comment felt like a bullet to the heart as I saw during the war with my mates. * : I think I know what you need. * : A time machine to 1988? * : No! You need to get out there and face those questions like a man! You're my dad, and even though I barely think it anymore, you're the greatest superhero that I ever met! So get out there and show Mum, Aunt Match and the Internet how well you can be! * : You know, I'll actually do that! [In the interview room.] * : Pen's such a … brave person for stepping out of the room after reading that mean comment. * : I can't tell if yer bein' sarcastic. Man, I can't believe 'e jus' left. Criticism ne'er gets him. * : He never got it either. Like, if he goes into the room right now, you need to give me a large amount of money. [Enter Pen in higher spirits with Saye.] * : 'Ow about in paper slips? [to Pen] Pen, yer alive! * : Yep, and it's all thanks to our Saye! * : Omg, Saye, I can't believe y' fixed yer father! * : Does that mean I'm no longer in trouble? * : O' course! * : Omg, thank you so much! Now, let's get back to the questions! * : Nope! I won't ever take off my cap. Y'see, humans, I remember reading something about human women in Islam who wear a hijab, which is basically like a cap for us and not all women wear it. It holds a special significance for someone who wears it, and it's rooted in cultural and religious traditions. You wouldn't ask a Muslim girl to remove it, would you? She would think that person is rude and/or insulting, as would I in a situation like that. So think about what it's like for me, wearing this cap to demonstrate my modesty. * : I never realised this before, but you're not that modest in anything else! * : Aye, an' good point, Pen. But since th' average human viewer o' BFDI's, like, eight years old, I'm sure they stopped listenin' a' "I remember readin'". * : Well, let's just see what the terraformed version of me thinks of it! * : If only we were 'uman like last time. Then I could ask'ee to take things off … * : OMG, PENC-PENC, YOU'RE DEVELOPING A DISTURBING ATTITUDE JUST LIKE ME! * : Aaaaaaaan' the feeling's gone again. * : I don't exactly know how that matters. What matters is the colour on the inside. * : Black? * : OMG, YOU CAN'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT ON THE, LIKE, INTERNET, YOU RACIST! * : Wot, it's probably so dark on the inside y' can't see pas' where the eyes go! * : Hmm! * : Omg, I totally remember thet! Pen, you were totally hot in the third dimension. * : I know. * : Yeah, 'cause, like, people take a liking to self-initiation! [noticing the pen going right through him] * : We soldiers like to call it * : No, I don't want to know what it's, like, called. * : Thank G-d. What time is it anyways? * : Three o'clock. * : Omg! * : It's the devil's hour! * : Quite interestin', I say. 'tseems like someone took my character bein' 'igh an' transferred'e h'inter'ee! * : Broken Pen? * : Penc-penc, it must be, like, your dream to see your husband broken. * : Oi, Match, check the second question. * : Sorry, we're not into that type of stuff. * | }}: Ew! * : Sure, but that would mean going to my cousins' place in Israel and using their caps. * : That's what we want to know, too! * : Oh, that's an easy one. Definitely Pencil, Match, Eraser, Firey, Coiny and Marker. * : Why Marker? * : He says it's lonely in Copenhagen. * : And your kids, right? * : Why wouldn't I let my own children enter the Island of Dreams? Sounds like parental abandonment to me. * : I'm pretty sure "everyone" includes everyone fighting in ANUBIS. * : Of course! Why wouldn't we; we're married! * : Aye, it's more of a bindin' thing. * : I don' get'ee. We're open, why can't the in the video agree? * : Shh, not before the children. * : It's totes okay. * : It wouldn't make sense if we don't love each other, eh, Pencil? * : Aye, we're, like, a bindin' thing. * : And why would I take a doll of you? I'm not into you that way! * : Eww, is that me? I look like I've been inflated everywhere except for my eyes! * : Omg, the pressure to not ship is in the air! Wait, never mind; you're married. * | }}: It's more like a binding thing. * : And that ends our great night of asking your favourite objects! * : BRB, I'm going to slap some sense in the Pencil-phobic version of me. * : Wouldn' e'eryone's favourite objects be Firey, Leafy an' Bubble jus' acos they won BFDI? * : Who cares about them? Mum, Dad, Aunt Match, you're my favourite objects! * : Hooray, now Pencil can you drive me, like, home? * : Aye. [The screen zooms out circularly to Pencil's winking face.] * : It's more like a bindin' thing! THE END Category:Extra Stuff Category:New episodes